The semester had just ended with the school’s Foundation Day show.I’ve started thinking about what the kids can do during the break as early as last month.Careful planning is needed as budget is tight, and we’ve also been itching to go on a road trip (once the baby is easier to handle).
Pressure built on me as classes was increasingly devoted to rehearsals for the show. Nothing concrete happened until the last day when we saw parents of other kids and invites for parties started turning out.
So it won’t be boring after all. Here’s the list so far:
The semestral breakers hit off with two birthday parties in separate days but coincidentally in the same restaurant of a global fast food chain.
A sleepover for my eldest together with her small group of friends.
Halloween trick-or-treating for everyone. It will be our kids’ first to actually roam about house to house, as we were contented with preparing candies and handing out treats to neighborhood kids in the past. So with an old dress and crown for our eldest, a hand-me-down superhero costume for our toddler, and a cheap mask, paraphernalia and costume used in the show for our son, my wife and I came up with an activity that our kids could look forward to in the next few days.
A get-together with some friends and their kids that we’ve been putting off is finally going to happen on Sunday. It’s also an opportunity to try a barbecue recipe my wife got from an online friend across the globe.
A family gathering to celebrate my brother’s birthday and a visit to my mom’s grave are scheduled for tomorrow.
So what I feared to be a long and expensive semester break might not be too bad after all. I still have a few more days to fill before school is back again, so some more ideas not involving travel and a lot of spending would be greatly appreciated. Would you be so kind to let me know?
Today is another Sunday and I am reminded of the first Sunday of this month when my family deviated from our Sunday routine. Just like what happened in my blog the previous Sunday when we attended mass in a new church, we went to the Cathedral instead of the usual chapel inside the village.
It was quite a big deal for me because it was my father’s insistence on having his haircut that morning that led us to the Cathedral at the heart of the city. A haircut when in fact he just had it a couple of weeks ago and his white hair had not grown that much anyway (well at least in my opinion).
My father had been living with us for a few months now ever since he suffered an asthma attack. An earlier mild stroke that left him limping on his right leg did not force him to change the routine he had for years. He was resolute in living alone in his house at the center of the city to enjoy all the freedom he’s been accustomed to.
It all changed one morning as he went about supervising a small project at the third floor of his property. According to him, he already felt heaviness in his breathing as early as eight o’clock but only decided to seek assistance from one of his tenants a couple of hours later. Instead of going straight to the hospital less than one kilometer away, he instructed the tenant to bring him to my house, which is a good 15-20 minutes drive from his house.
My initial reaction was to rebuke him about his decision to come all the way to my house at the other side of town only to take him back to the hospital close to his house. But I later realized that my father was afraid and just needed me to be there for him. Moreover, he must have felt that there was no way to contact me as he already tried desperately to call the whole morning but to no avail (I imagine panic must have contributed to this).
The incident made him more acquiescent that led to the current living arrangement. My wife and I speculated that as he recovers and gains more confidence, he would want his independence back.
There were already a number of instances prior to that Sunday wherein he made some demands to go to certain places and do certain errands. It was becoming clear that he’s feeling well enough and slowly becoming restless. But for now, let us leave those stories - our (mis)adventures as he regains his confidence to venture by himself in a future blog.
Giving in to my father’s wishes did not come easily as we interpret them as merely excuses to go out of the house. However, it occurred to me that I may not always have such opportunity to bring him where he wants to go. I was just probably afraid it might become too frequent to handle. Anyway, he and I can always come up with certain compromises on how and when to do them should some conflicts emerge.
To accommodate his wishes to go to his barber, we went to the Cathedral and found it overflowing with people. The kids, my wife, my father and I content ourselves standing on the stairs leading to one of the three or four Cathedral entrances. We literally “heard” mass as we saw neither the priest nor the altar.
The Cathedral was just across the street from a park where a children’s playground was recently added. So while my father was having a haircut, the three kids had a blast with the animal statues.
It was particularly exciting to our toddler as he’s been learning to sing “Mr. Rhino…got one tail, four feet, twelve toes” much to our amusement, especially with his cute rendition and all. He proudly got on to each of the animals: the rhino, the tiger, the giraffe, the elephant, the zebra, but not the monkeys as they were literally on a tree, while the crocodile, tortoise and eagle were fenced and beyond reach.
I thought we would run out of things to do as it might turn out to be a long wait. But what a relief! It really takes so little to please these kids. I guess it was the fact that they were all there together to enjoy the rides and each other's company that made it fun, plus a chance to each demand from me a lift onto the back of the statues.
The baby happily watched us from her mother’s lap, while the latter got a chance to play catch up with a couple of long-distance friends over the phone. My father was of course happy not only because of his new haircut, but I guess also the importance he must have felt when we worked around our schedule to accommodate his needs (or whims).
The new week witnessed our toddler talking incessantly about the animal statues as he vividly recalls the giraffe’s long neck and the elephant’s big ears. It was the same excitement when he first rode a horse in a merry-go-round and the many other “firsts” that never fail to remind me how inconsequential the price I had to pay for the joy my children brings me.
Thanks in no small part to my father’s insistence and my decision to give in that the day became one of the family’s best Sundays. It turned out that giving in to make someone happy is actually a gift we give ourselves.
In Bequeathing a Dangerous World to our Kids, I argued for a common ground for all parents…the proposition that we do not want our children (and theirs) to inherit a harsher world than what our generation faced. Climate change is contributing so much to this increased unpredictability and instability, and while it affects everyone, the impact is unevenly felt between rich and poor peoples as well as between developed and developing nations.
Peoples in island or archipelagic nations like the Philippines are the most vulnerable to the impact of rising sea levels. In as short a time as half a century, considerable land area in coastal towns and cities could be swallowed by the sea if present trends continue.
We’ve heard of local politicians crying victim of climate change, and looking to the culprits (foremost are the developed nations) for restitution. While I do not dispute the fact that the developed nations had the biggest contribution to greenhouse gas problems and that they have the moral obligation to make amends and at least cushion the impact of climate change, I do not subscribe to victim mentality and finger pointing to hide our own failings.
Recognizing that although we, the people in island and archipelagic nations have but little impact in reducing (or increasing) greenhouse gas emissions, we would still get the brunt of the impending calamity. Therefore, it makes sense to take all and any actions to hopefully avert it, as it is indeed a matter of life and death for us.
Let us leave it to those with the capability to address the technological and political solutions such as clean energy sourcing and international pacts, respectively, among others. But there are those that we can realistically do at the household and community levels that would make a dent in the global scheme of things.
Here’s my list of concrete actions for parents to help mitigate climate change:
Reduce energy consumption. Modern living relies so much on electricity, which is basically derived from burning fossil fuels- the main contributor of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Reducing our electric bill does not only make an immediate impact on our wallet, but a long-term global impact on human well-being as well.
The following are examples of easy to do energy conservation tips at home:
Turn off lights, computer, fans and appliances after use; unplug appliances as electricity is still consumed even when turned off.
Use energy efficient bulbs and appliances, as well as CFC-free cooling units.
Whenever possible, share the use of appliances. Listening to music, watching television and eating together (to lessen the need to reheat food) not only makes for an efficient use of energy but promotes interaction and togetherness in the family as well. In my family, we also pack ourselves in one room when the need to use the air-conditioning unit comes, especially during summer months. Now that’s bonding time that is both fun and economical.
Eat less meat, more vegetables. Meat production consumes more energy per calorie than crop production. Energy derived from corn can be more efficiently used if fed directly to humans than consumed by animals that would in turn be eaten by humans. Livestock production is also a major contributor of methane, a greenhouse gas, to the atmosphere. The health benefits derived from eating less meat and more fruits and vegetables is an additional incentive. Eating habits and preferences are developed young so now is the time to influence our kids' future health. But it's never too late for everyone else who are determined to remain healthy and positively contribute to earth's health as well.
Buy local foods and products. Depending on distance and crop, energy expenditure to transport imported foods (and products) may exceed the energy used to produce them. Buying locally is not only ecologically sound, but helps improve the lives of local communities as well. Furthermore, food security is also enhanced by making sure the locale can adequately support its population. Shorter transport times of goods may also translate to less packaging materials used, which means less energy expenditure.
Travel less, travel efficiently. Besides moving closer to the workplace, technological advances that made it possible for certain types of work to be performed offsite not only dramatically improves productivity but significantly reduces fuel consumption as well. Carpooling, cycling and walking to work also helps; the latter two are healthy lifestyle choices as well.
Educate, communicate. Talking to our kids about the above ecologically sound and healthy practices and the impact it has on the global scheme of things is last but certainly not the least of concrete actions we parents can take. Communicating and campaigning about what can be done in the community, workplace, church, schools and other local institutions to help moderate climate change is also within our capacity as parents.
We also must speak up in various forums, cast our votes, write blogs, and send letter/emails to those concerned to let the world know where we stand on this critical issue that affects the well-being of our kids.
We must push for bigger reductions in the carbon footprints of those who spends energy the most, particularly in the United States and other more affluent societies. This is particularly pressing as Americans' belief in global warming is declining.
We have the most to lose on this issue if the world continues in the path of business as usual. So speak up and speak out! The world needs to know!
This International Day of Climate Action, I am hearten by the relatively good number of activities in the Philippines as reflected in the map below.
There are probably those among us wondering why on earth would someone want to spend time cleaning after a child’s mess that could range from the mildly annoying toys scattered all over to the stomach turning mishaps during potty training? It appears counter-intuitive because fathers used to be secured in their designation as the breadwinner of the family and were happily oblivious of the fine points of child-rearing. Back then life is definitely simpler.
The tide has turned and the norm seems to portray modern dads to be engaged in both providing for food and shelter as well as nurturing of children. Many factors contributed to this shift, and modern moms gaining opportunities to work and earn is among the most important ones.
But for me, expecting dads to share child-rearing responsibilities is a welcome trend. I can see many benefits not only to children and mothers, but also to fathers as well. On the personal level, men can count on the following benefits in getting more involved in raising kids:
We become better men. This is not just the psychological high we associate with being loved and loving, and being needed and needing someone in return that we feel like better persons. According to recent research findings, men do not merely endure child-rearing activities (i.e. because we had to). There are actual physical and cognitive rewards or benefits derived from taking care of a child (and the wife).
The sight, sound and smell of babies trigger biochemical changes in men that results in increased motivation, heightened problem-solving skills, greater resilience and enhanced stress-handling abilities. These explain improvements seen in relationships and in work performance among fathers. To know more about the scientific bases of how dads become better men, you can start with this news article.
We secure the continuance of our family line. Again, this is not merely perpetuation of our genes by fathering a child. The likelihood of a child surviving and succeeding as an adult is dramatically improved with the support of a nurturing father compared to an absentee one. Remember that the environment plays as important a role as do genes in our offspring’s success.
We become happier men. It could be a function of being better men as explained in #1 above as we perform, able to handle stress and relate with others better. But the mere scent of a baby, the kiss goodbye or the “hey Papa” hellos elicit instant pleasure and lightness in spirit that I don’t need any explanation or convincing that being close to our kids brings joy to men.
One of the keys to living a happier life is the maintenance of at least two good relationships, i.e. with someone a generation older and another one of a younger generation. These relationships do not necessarily involve parents and offspring, as it holds true with non-blood relations. Therefore, when we are able to do it with our own kids, we are hitting two birds with one stone as we foster better current and future relationships down the line to our grandchildren and generations beyond, and we ensure the maintenance of our family line at the same time.
We understand ourselves better. I don’t know if it comes with maturity (or living through a mid-life crisis), but as I began to see myself in my kids’ physical attributes, tendencies and behavior, I also began to fully accept my own biases, strengths and weaknesses.
Genetics is indeed a wondrous thing, and so is the social influence into a person’s personality. With understanding comes the conscious effort to commit to become better with what I have for my own and my family’s sake. Who then is best to coach kids through life? It’s none other than their parents if and when they have arrived at understanding their own selves first. Being with our children facilitate such understanding as they mirror us in so many ways.
We get a second chance. This could mean getting many opportunities to be kids once more and play ball, lego and computer games in the guise of teaching or spending time with the kids (wink wink). Or it could also be another shot at something we’ve wanted to be or do but never got a chance, or did so but blew it. This desire to live our dreams through our kids is a powerful drive, but can lead to disastrous results if not handled right. While it can be good to want our kids to be better than us, it has to be in the context of what they are and what they want to be (and not necessarily what we parents want them to be).
So with the above caveat in mind, let us welcome our second chance at getting better results, whether at playing Nintendo or taking on the path towards virtuosity.
Lastly, don’t despair if you haven’t seen some of the above benefits accruing on you. There’s a learning curve and it may be slower in certain people than others. In my case, I only fully appreciated all these in the second batch of our kids and that came seven years after our eldest daughter was born. Lucky me I got my second chance.
I won’t be surprised if there are other rewards or benefits of being a father that I failed to cover here, so please let me know about them.
Today was quite different from our Sundays in recent months. A need to meet my students in a local university necessitates some adjustments in our Sunday routine; adjustments that turned a usually slow, simple day with limited things to do into a day teeming with energy and activities but restful at the same time.
Everyone in the household turned in early last night so it was no surprise that there was no trouble waking the kids up about an hour earlier than a normal Sunday. Our toddler was first to demand a bottle of milk who then cheerfully woke his older siblings up in the next room. Without much ado, they were up and inside the bathroom to shower.
The baby waited a bit for her cue, quietly looked around and listened to the activities from her crib. As my wife calls out from downstairs for a breakfast of champorado, anchovies and hotdogs, the baby also cooed to remind me to pick her up, too.
With much cooperation from everyone, we made it to church a few minutes into the mass (even though it was still on time according to my watch). It was our first time to attend service in this university chapel. Beautiful music, a serene atmosphere, and a homily about servant leadership were our immediate rewards for attendance.
In the three hours I spent fulfilling my work duties, my wife managed the needs of my father, our kids and a relative. The kids were freed to explore the university grounds, my father was taken to see my brother and his family, and a relative got a chance to see the kids.
As boredom sets in a couple of hours, a change in venue was needed. The nearby mall was a welcome solution. There was an organic produce fair to hold the kids’ attention for a few minutes and the kiddie rides took care of the remaining time that allowed my wife to leave them with their nannies to fetch me and my father from our respective appointments.
Much to her delight, we allowed our eldest child to decide which restaurant to dine in for lunch. My father also happily took care of the bill with an added incentive for him to take advantage of senior citizen discount.
After a hearty meal of chicken-based dishes, the kids and I went to the bookstore to check out children’s books, while my wife accompanied my father in buying a few clothing articles. It was then I realized how books became natural companion to our kids as our toddler eagerly feasted on various titles as did the older ones.
As we drove back home, the kids were as boisterous as they were early in the day. They were all talking and singing, including the baby who seemed to be making the loudest noise. The same degree of enthusiasm that got her booted out from the church during the homily as her “singing” started distracting elder churchgoers seated next to us.
The afternoon found most of us sleeping to later wake up to our regular Sunday game of scrabble. With much bravado, our eldest finally beat her parents after many Sundays of disappointment. It was indeed the greatest Sunday ever, she exclaimed.
As we perform our nightly gratitude ritual, everyone recognized how especially blessed this day had been. The kids enjoyed the sun as well as the modern amenities of a mall. The boys got to ride a “robot’, a “horse” and a “duckboat”.
Our nine year old showed leadership as she gave way to her younger brothers and let them enjoy the rides (and not herself) so she can stick to her “budget” and return the “emergency funds” in full to her mother. Allowing her to decide on the restaurant for lunch and winning scrabble over her parents later in the day also gave tremendous boost to her confidence.
My father got his wish to see my brother's family and to buy some new articles of clothing for himself. A relative was happy to see the kids once again. Our nannies got to see places they’ve never been.
I got to do my job and instead of ruining a Sunday, we were blessed with a great family day. Thanks to my wife who showed flexibility and turned an otherwise sticky issue to an opportunity to do something different: a Sunday with the usual activities we look forward to and a lot more.
With a wife and children like these, fatherhood is indeed a breeze…
Losing a child is said to be the greatest tragedy of all. Many of us couldn’t stand to even think about it. It is just unnatural to outlive one’s offspring.
However, leaving our children in a world that has become more unpredictable and inhospitable than that which we grew in could be equally tragic, if not more so.
It speaks of our failure to prepare for them a better life…our failure to halt the continuing legacy of passing the bill for the next generations to foot.
The deluge that befell the Philippines in the past couple of weeks reminded us of what we have been conveniently ignoring. The signs were already recognizable for many decades and the truth already known to our generation. And yet climate change was a mere inconvenience, the existence and inevitability of which we deny or push aside to free us to continue the previous generations’ unbridled pursuit of economic prosperity above all else.
Everyone, including the government, was caught unprepared and still wonders how such a relatively weak storm as Ketsana (Philippine name is “Ondoy”) unloaded a month’s worth of rain in only six hours and how typhoon Parma (or “Pepeng” locally) strangely lingered in the northernmost part of the Philippines for about a week and making landfall thrice.
The untold suffering and damage caused by these unprecedented weather events have been reported and blogged about many times over. What needs emphasizing further is the peculiarity of these weather events, plus the human folly that exacerbated the problem (among others, deforestation, poor land use planning and implementation, mounting garbage and irresponsible disposal, not to mention poor disaster risk management that resulted to unnecessary loss of lives).
The unpredictability of recent weather events had been linked to changes in global temperature. In addition, weather extremes (heat waves, droughts, floods) had recently been experienced around the world more and more.
Worse, the brunt of climate change’s negative impact would fall on the poor people and poor nations. Their vulnerabilities would become more apparent once food production is adversely affected as productive land either become deserts or be engulfed by the rising sea levels. Food scarcity would result to food prices rising beyond the reach of many and food riots could ensue. In such a scenario, life would be risky and even the rich might not be spared from the turmoil.
We may differ in how we assign importance to climate change. But our role as parents should put us in a common ground. We do not want our children (and theirs) to face a harsher world, not if we can do something about it. And we can…yes, we can still leave the world better than how we found it.
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