One of the perks of fatherhood that I enjoyed four times is coming up with a name for each of our babies.  I find naming things (or babies for that matter) pleasurable and meaningful.  I say this because it was also the case for the 19 new species of predatory mites described by my wife for her Masteral thesis.  I loved giving names to her newly described mites and she was very generous in allowing me to recommend names for her to take into consideration in the final phase of her work in Taxonomy.  It sure looked like she did all the difficult parts (in both thesis and babies) and I get to join in the fun part of giving names.  Lucky me!

It was not all fun though because there is also the pressure of coming up with a beautiful name each time so the kids won’t be ridiculed (or ashamed of it) when they grow up.  You know how cruel kids can be when teasing classmates or friends (or enemies).  But again, the challenge only brings more excitement to the process.

To make it even more challenging, we did not settle for a baby name that only sounds good or a favorite.  It also has to satisfy these rules: two names for each baby, letters sum up to 13, second name ends with ”ele”, and of course meaningful for us or the family.  Many parents settle for names or variation derived from their own or a relative (usually the grandparents), a popular person or those they admire, same first letters with one or both parents, etc.  Our rules came to be during the naming of our first baby and we just applied them consistently to the next three.

Rica Emmanuele.  Rica was the name of a girl in an International School whose photo I happened to get before we got married.  You know, when printing companies recycle materials, yearbook images can end up at the back of pads of paper or in wrappers of printed materials.  Being in the academe at that time, I see much of these.  Rica became meaningful when I saw in her the face of my own child…with my girlfriend then as the mother.  I took that as one of the “signs” that she is the one for me.  So I married her.

Emmanuel means “God is with us.”  The feminine derivative Emmanuelle and Rica would sum up to 14 letters but we recognized that our last names totaled 13 letters together so we decided to remove one “l” and then adopted the rule about 13 letters.  We just figured 13 is a lucky number for our family.

Joseph Leonele.  Joseph was taken from my wife’s name.  We were both in the academe then and my wife was also pursuing her graduate degree.  Her mentor (and I consider her mine, too) is Leonila.  Our admiration and gratitude for her was so much that we named our second child Leonele after her.  The derivative was intentional to make it masculine and the two names to sum up to 13 letters.  When the “ele” pattern emerged for our two kids, we adopted it as another rule.  This rule also made our children’s second names unique as their spelling does not follow the commonly adopted derivative of their respective names.

Andre Ezekiele.  Ezekiel, we found out from my mom’s prayer materials after she passed away, is the patron saint of cancer patients.  It means “God strengthens”.  It was meaningful to us because my mom died before our third child was born.  Andre sounds at first to be a derivative of my name but turned out to mean “manly” or “brave”.  It was a perfect complement to Ezekiele in terms of meaning and together conforms to our rules of naming.  It also matches the personality of our child.  Even at his present stage as toddler, we already see a headstrong and physically tough yet adorable adult in him.  We have associated this to certain factors during pregnancy, which will be elaborated in a separate blog by my wife.

Nadine Ysabele.  Our fourth child came about at a critical juncture in our family life.  It was when we need to hope for something more than what we have then.  And Nadine, which means “hope,” together with Ysabele, derived from Isabel that means “God is bountiful”, was a manifestation of that desire. 

With the rules we followed in naming them, it will be obvious for the sharper observers that these four names belong to siblings.

While writing this blog, I went through the history of our family, recognizing certain milestones in our parenting journey…all manifested in the names of our children.  Apparently, we were quite successful in the choices for the names of our babies for they are not only reflective of our family’s history but also of our children’s individuality.

Although the primary intent of this blog is to provide a firsthand account of our journey to our kids, I hope readers can also benefit from knowing how we did it…in our own unique way.

Useful links:
http://www.babyhold.com/
http://www.babynames.com/

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There are probably those among us wondering why on earth would someone want to spend time cleaning after a child’s mess that could range from the mildly annoying toys scattered all over to the stomach turning mishaps during potty training?  It appears counter-intuitive because fathers used to be secured in their designation as the breadwinner of the family and were happily oblivious of the fine points of child-rearing.  Back then life is definitely simpler.

The tide has turned and the norm seems to portray modern dads to be engaged in both providing for food and shelter as well as nurturing of children.  Many factors contributed to this shift, and modern moms gaining opportunities to work and earn is among the most important ones.

But for me, expecting dads to share child-rearing responsibilities is a welcome trend.  I can see many benefits not only to children and mothers, but also to fathers as well.  On the personal level, men can count on the following benefits in getting more involved in raising kids:

1. We become better men.  This is not just the psychological high we associate with being loved and loving, and being needed and needing someone in return that we feel like better persons.  According to recent research findings, men do not merely endure child-rearing activities (i.e. because we had to).  There are actual physical and cognitive rewards or benefits derived from taking care of a child (and the wife). 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bingramos/ / CC BY 2.0

The sight, sound and smell of babies trigger biochemical changes in men that results in increased motivation, heightened problem-solving skills, greater resilience and enhanced stress-handling abilities.  These explain improvements seen in relationships and in work performance among fathers.  To know more about the scientific bases of how dads become better men, you can start with this news article.

2. We secure the continuance of our family line.  Again, this is not merely perpetuation of our genes by fathering a child.  The likelihood of a child surviving and succeeding as an adult is dramatically improved with the support of a nurturing father compared to an absentee one.  Remember that the environment plays as important a role as do genes in our offspring’s success.

3. We become happier men.  It could be a function of being better men as explained in #1 above as we perform, able to handle stress and relate with others better.  But the mere scent of a baby, the kiss goodbye or the “hey Papa” hellos elicit instant pleasure and lightness in spirit that I don’t need any explanation or convincing that being close to our kids brings joy to men. 

One of the keys to living a happier life is the maintenance of at least two good relationships, i.e. with someone a generation older and another one of a younger generation.  These relationships do not necessarily involve parents and offspring, as it holds true with non-blood relations.  Therefore, when we are able to do it with our own kids, we are hitting two birds with one stone as we foster better current and future relationships down the line to our grandchildren and generations beyond, and we ensure the maintenance of our family line at the same time.

4. We understand ourselves better.  I don’t know if it comes with maturity (or living through a mid-life crisis), but as I began to see myself in my kids’ physical attributes, tendencies and behavior, I also began to fully accept my own biases, strengths and weaknesses. 

Genetics is indeed a wondrous thing, and so is the social influence into a person’s personality.  With understanding comes the conscious effort to commit to become better with what I have for my own and my family’s sake.  Who then is best to coach kids through life?  It’s none other than their parents if and when they have arrived at understanding their own selves first.  Being with our children facilitate such understanding as they mirror us in so many ways.

5. We get a second chance.  This could mean getting many opportunities to be kids once more and play ball, lego and computer games in the guise of teaching or spending time with the kids (wink wink).  Or it could also be another shot at something we’ve wanted to be or do but never got a chance, or did so but blew it.  This desire to live our dreams through our kids is a powerful drive, but can lead to disastrous results if not handled right.  While it can be good to want our kids to be better than us, it has to be in the context of what they are and what they want to be (and not necessarily what we parents want them to be). 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gideon/ / CC BY-SA 2.0

So with the above caveat in mind, let us welcome our second chance at getting better results, whether at playing Nintendo or taking on the path towards virtuosity.

Lastly, don’t despair if you haven’t seen some of the above benefits accruing on you.  There’s a learning curve and it may be slower in certain people than others.  In my case, I only fully appreciated all these in the second batch of our kids and that came seven years after our eldest daughter was born.  Lucky me I got my second chance.

I won’t be surprised if there are other rewards or benefits of being a father that I failed to cover here, so please let me know about them.

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