Dear Mama Sez,

The day started not as well as it could have and after reflecting on what happened, I would like to let you know how important your light is to our family.

I like the metaphor of you being the light for two reasons: (1) it is a Filipino concept that the mother is the light of a home or "ang ina ang ilaw ng tahanan" and (2) just like a candle melting away to bring light so others might see, you have sacrificed so much to take care of your family to the extent of losing yourself in the process.

While it is true that parenthood entails self-sacrifice for the sake of the children, it is also our duty as parents to take care of ourselves to be able to provide for them their needs- not only in terms of material needs, but more importantly emotional support that can only be provided when we're available for them to touch and to talk to.

This is in line with the P/PC balance we discussed during our coaching sessions, which also coincided with what I just read a couple of hours ago about a dying person reminding his wife that it's okay to take care of herself. I say, it's imperative that you start with yourself before me and our children. It's the same logic as in the instructions given when we ride an airplane. Before take off, we're told that in cases of emergency, we're to put the oxygen mask (and life vest) on ourselves first before doing it for the child. Because the child is less capable of helping an adult. And even as adults, we cannot extend help or serve others if we ourselves need rescuing. Indeed, one is able to give if he/she has something to offer.

Candle light by Alesa Dam

As for being a little candle, we would like you to light our home the longest time possible. So please don't burnout on us. We need you to be here with us so please burn sustainably. By taking care of yourself, you are taking care of us in the long term. Better yet, by taking care of each other, we're taking care of our family sustainably... because remember, we need to last for as long as it takes to accomplish our individual and family missions.

So yes we're little candles. But since we are the most important little candles to our children, let us give light all the way to the finish line when our missions are completed- that would be the right time our children would see our last flickers, and then our dying light would no longer be of much consequence as by then we would have successfully passed on the torch to the next generation.

Loving you,
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Can you guess what could possibly be one of my wife's greatest frustrations? For those who know her and her cooking prowess, you might be surprised to know that something related to her cooking had been a source of disappointment for her. No, not that she sucks at it. On the contrary, she is well recognized by relatives, friends and acquaintances for her superb culinary skills and many scrumptious dishes. In fact, she has become an inspiration to our school-age kids who, not surprisingly, put "chef" as one of their dream professions.

Well, the answer has to do with my "timid" appetite. You see, I easily get satiated and my "It's dizzying to see so much food on the table" line gets to her nerves. So, can you imagine her frustration when she enthusiastically prepares a splendid meal and her husband is first to opt out and worse blurt out that insensitive line upon seeing those delectable dishes on the table?

Fortunately, I haven't used that line in recent years and we came to an understanding on how I can show my appreciation to her efforts. In fact, I am starting to be a food buff myself. Thanks to her, I could be quite discriminating at times and now have certain preferences; whereas I used to just eat almost anything...and not even able to tell if the food is already on the brink of being spoiled!

Now you see how couples affect each others' preferences. And I am delighted to have been influenced and have come to appreciate my wife's culinary talent and passion for food. She's been sharing her recipes in Parenting Journey and in HubPages. Below is a rundown of what she has posted so far.

Cheesy Beef Caldereta






Sweet and Sour Tilapia 
(Escabeche)







Chicken Curry

Veggie Fried Rice







Special Embotido (Filipino-style Meatloaf)

Carbonara (only pasta in photo)







Ampalaya and Tomato Salad







Radish and Tomato Salad







  
Modified Pollo Iberico
(Roast Spanish Chicken)

Be sure to bookmark this new page on RECIPES at Parenting Journey as we will be updating the list as new recipes are posted. Happy cooking!

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Today was quite different from our Sundays in recent months. A need to meet my students in a local university necessitates some adjustments in our Sunday routine; adjustments that turned a usually slow, simple day with limited things to do into a day teeming with energy and activities but restful at the same time.


Everyone in the household turned in early last night so it was no surprise that there was no trouble waking the kids up about an hour earlier than a normal Sunday. Our toddler was first to demand a bottle of milk who then cheerfully woke his older siblings up in the next room. Without much ado, they were up and inside the bathroom to shower.


The baby waited a bit for her cue, quietly looked around and listened to the activities from her crib. As my wife calls out from downstairs for a breakfast of champorado, anchovies and hotdogs, the baby also cooed to remind me to pick her up, too.


With much cooperation from everyone, we made it to church a few minutes into the mass (even though it was still on time according to my watch). It was our first time to attend service in this university chapel. Beautiful music, a serene atmosphere, and a homily about servant leadership were our immediate rewards for attendance.


In the three hours I spent fulfilling my work duties, my wife managed the needs of my father, our kids and a relative. The kids were freed to explore the university grounds, my father was taken to see my brother and his family, and a relative got a chance to see the kids.


As boredom sets in a couple of hours, a change in venue was needed. The nearby mall was a welcome solution. There was an organic produce fair to hold the kids’ attention for a few minutes and the kiddie rides took care of the remaining time that allowed my wife to leave them with their nannies to fetch me and my father from our respective appointments.


Much to her delight, we allowed our eldest child to decide which restaurant to dine in for lunch. My father also happily took care of the bill with an added incentive for him to take advantage of senior citizen discount.


After a hearty meal of chicken-based dishes, the kids and I went to the bookstore to check out children’s books, while my wife accompanied my father in buying a few clothing articles. It was then I realized how books became natural companion to our kids as our toddler eagerly feasted on various titles as did the older ones.


As we drove back home, the kids were as boisterous as they were early in the day. They were all talking and singing, including the baby who seemed to be making the loudest noise. The same degree of enthusiasm that got her booted out from the church during the homily as her “singing” started distracting elder churchgoers seated next to us.


The afternoon found most of us sleeping to later wake up to our regular Sunday game of scrabble. With much bravado, our eldest finally beat her parents after many Sundays of disappointment. It was indeed the greatest Sunday ever, she exclaimed.


As we perform our nightly gratitude ritual, everyone recognized how especially blessed this day had been. The kids enjoyed the sun as well as the modern amenities of a mall. The boys got to ride a “robot’, a “horse” and a “duckboat”.


Our nine year old showed leadership as she gave way to her younger brothers and let them enjoy the rides (and not herself) so she can stick to her “budget” and return the “emergency funds” in full to her mother. Allowing her to decide on the restaurant for lunch and winning scrabble over her parents later in the day also gave tremendous boost to her confidence.


My father got his wish to see my brother's family and to buy some new articles of clothing for himself. A relative was happy to see the kids once again. Our nannies got to see places they’ve never been.


I got to do my job and instead of ruining a Sunday, we were blessed with a great family day. Thanks to my wife who showed flexibility and turned an otherwise sticky issue to an opportunity to do something different: a Sunday with the usual activities we look forward to and a lot more.


With a wife and children like these, fatherhood is indeed a breeze…

FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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It's now but a faint memory. My wife cannot hide her displeasure when I recounted the phone conversation I had with the friend who was supposed to arrange for our move back to the University. After a series of grueling discussions, reflection and goings back and forth, my wife was finally convinced that a move to the University is the way to go for our growing family.

But as fate would have it (so to speak), we are back to square one, not being able to tick off any one of our many unsettled issues. My wife was all hopes that the major ones would be decided or at least cleared prior to the baby's arrival so we can then focus on the newest addition to our family. Of course to add to her frustrations, Nadine (meaning "hope") also kept us guessing as to when she's coming out. It's just too much to bear... our patience had been stretched to an extent that everything seemed to be out of control! (of course these were coming from the point of view of two self-confessed control freaks).

But then, all these came to be quite inconsequential when Nadine at last arrived, after two false alarms and a lot of guessing, on March 30. She then came to be the focal point of the family activities and attention. During those times when we witnessed all the firsts (the first time she suckled, pooped, peed, smiled, etc.) and her steady development that made us forget, albeit temporarily, our impatience to everything that had not worked out as planned or hoped to be.

Indeed, when I am reminded (which is now very often) how our children had made me so happy, all hardships, energies and efforts spent striving to give the best for them...everything is compensated somehow and it just feels so right. And around these times, time indeed flies... even for an impatient, control freak like me who is in dire need to grasp at something as all else is still up in the air.

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